Ron Swanson:

"History began on July 4, 1776. Everything before that was a mistake."

"I didn't want to go, but my love for her exceeded my hatred of Europe."

"Computers are mostly useless, but I liked that Yelp idea, so I've decided to sit here and write letters about things I disapprove of. So far, I've sent some to some European ambassadors, a vegetable farm, several manufacturers of male cologne, and a fruit and yogurt bar. 'You are the celery of desert. Be ice cream or be nothing at all'."

"Veganism is the sad result of a morally corrupt mind. Reconsider your life."

(Big Ben) "Look, a clock. We don't have those in America!"

(The Tower of London) "You call that a tower? Try the Sears Tower, friend!"

(Shopkeeper) "I'm sorry, we don't take American money." (Swanson) "Of course you do, it's the most valuable paper on Earth."
(Shopkeeper) "I'm afraid we really don't."
(Swanson) "Well, take comfort in the fact that your royal overlords are a frail old woman and a baby."

(Angry Woman) "Are you Ron Swanson? You helped my daughter write a report about why government is important. Look what she wrote!"

(Swanson) "It isn't.....well said!"