"As the CEO of Burger King, we just want to make sure you're aware of what we're doing to keep you and your family safe from COVID-1984.
1. Cutting employee pay 10% across the board where legal.
2. Continuing to offer no paid sick leave.
3. Scanning each employee with an infrared thermometer so if they're among the 14% of patients who run a fever by the 10th day, we can send them home without pay.
4. The cheapest gloves we could find and who knows when they changed them or even washed their hands.
We would also like to thank you, America, for letting us dip into the Small Business Loan program. You'll find out all about that when Trump releases his transparency report on November 4th."