Hi. Making NewGRFs taught me a lot about how to code stuff and how OpenTTD is far more amazing in its recent progress than I understood before I started doing so, and right now I can no longer make any NewGRFs at all without assistance. So... 

Please at least read this completely before you decide what to do, Owen, I'm begging you. It's a bit of a long story but it should explain in full why I believe I can do better than I have. Also don't worry about my info, I no longer live anywhere near the locations listed below, and trust you enough not to tell anyone my phone number.

I can literally provide proof in the form of two official doctor's notes from my current psychiatrist AND my current psychologist if you doubt my story, and/or the spoken words of not just myself but also at least one member of my immediate family (due to my condition I live with my parents, and due to economic issues my brother does too).

I understand if you end up deciding no, but um... This isn't spam, I'm not trying to sell you anything and I'm giving you my personal cell phone number... +1 (587) 377-6761 ...because I'm really nervous that you're going to just disregard all this. Can I please explain why I've contacted you without you dismissing me until you've read this fully? I would like you to text me so we can set up a voice call because of a matter that I do understand the gravity of about my TT-Forums account.

Also, I will take FULL responsibility for whatever CAN be FAIRLY said is actually my fault, which isn't as much as I was led to believe, let alone what you were led to believe, but I will gladly admit that I am not somehow instantly absolved of my actions; both what little was irrefutably my fault from my past (my track record before March of 2017 is solely my fault), and also ESPECIALLY everything that happens from this point onwards.

Just please read the following and contact me by SMS or email if you need me to set up some sort of video chat to discuss the following with me and my family members present...

==The reason I need to tell you all this.==
Earlier this year or late in 2022 (don't remember the exact date), I got a new psychiatrist (mind medication doctor) because I moved to a new city in a completely different location. As a result, I am once again a stable and functioning person who will not be causing you or anyone else any trouble. This isn't a sob story, just some background, but... 

In 2017, Dr. Richard McGee, my medication doctor a.k.a psychiatrist (not a psychologist, my psychologist was Dr. Swift in Nelson, BC at that time) turned out - according to  https://www.ratemds.com/doctor-ratings/531703/Dr-Richard-McGee-Castlegar-BC.html/ for proof its not just me saying this, the guy was my hometown's ONLY and WORST POSSIBLE option -  to be a complete quack who ****ed up my medications so badly that it caused me to become paranoid, lose the ability to write anything on any internet forum in a sane and coherent manner, and generally destroyed my ability to not destroy my old life both offline and online simply by being unable to function normally in society. This continued until I got a different psychiatrist in late 2022 at my new location after moving out of Grand Forks, British Columbia in summer of 2021.

To be clear, this was so bad that at one point in 2017, I literally, LITERALLY assumed that I was the Anti-Christ because everyone, online and offline - except my closest internet friend Alex, both of my parents, and my brother - was telling me I was a horrible person... despite the fact that, when you've got a malpracticing psychiatrist as your ONLY option for a psychiatrist, you're on the legal and unwilling equivalent of being Under the Influence... and then wondering why I was lashing out "in spite of" my "better" medication prescriptions.

I was told once on TT-Forums, once on a subreddit, and once on a Discord server - neither of the latter two were in places related to OpenTTD in any way - to stay off the internet because I was annoying (one told me that because of my medications screwing up my head, the other two were just backhanded insults by complete strangers) and had tried to say "I have Asperger's Syndrome, I can't help it" to explain why.

Apparently people don't understand that staying isolated from the internet forever, after reality too made you a pariah in real life, because of circumstance... is impossible.

They're even less understanding that a "temporary" 6 year period of being on the wrong medications means you will get yourself kicked out of the entire internet...

Why didn't I just stop taking the medications if they were making me loopy? You have to realize that its like I was on a bad trip, except it was one long constant 6 YEAR bad trip, and I was not doing so willingly because in the past my mental health had led to a Court Order that I was bound to follow from 2016 to 2019. Just after that period, I was convinced I actually HAD to take my meds without saying anything about how they were fucking me up royally.

When I did realize it wasn't my fault, Dr. McGee refused to admit fault and actually permanently refused to see me ever again, something which he has done to others in that town who realized he's breaking the hypocratic oath every single day of his career by endangering his patients.

Because my support network and even the efforts of all others who tried had failed to convince the provincial government of British Columbia to replace him in any way, and because of the Geography of Grand Forks' surrounding area and that Dr. McGee only came to town once a month after commuting from Castlegar over the TALLEST mountain pass in Canada, once Dr. McGee was no longer willing to I had to keep taking those medications indefinitely because if I didn't, I'd proably have been violently angry while we were trying to move out of town due to my PTSD and Autism Spectrum Disorder (not to mention someone having robbed our storage container that we rented in an unrelated incident involving someone outside of my family stealing my dad's keys to the container from a family friend).

===The reason I am not a problem anymore, and should never have been a problem.===
Since late 2022, my new psychiatrist has completely detoxed and redone my prescriptions from scratch, and I'm doing a lot better, but I'm living in a world where I've been banned from every writing Discord there is, AND...

I don't plan on ever going back, but I was erroneously banned from the OpenTTD Discord in 2020 or possibly early 2021 because I "bullied two people out of the OpenTTD community". This is false; Erato incorrectly assumed that the ALLEGED first person, SilverSurferZzZ, left because of me when, in actuality...

SilverSurfer left for unrelated reasons before I even knew he was gone, and Erato has admitted already, in late 2021 or early 2022, that his assumption was false when I pointed it out to him. The latter of the two individuals, whose name I don't recall, left because I misspoke and Erato originally said "you have driven two people out of our community and I will make sure it never happens again" even though the only person who ever "left because of me" is one who left the Discord server at that time out of a misunderstanding and the unknown individual refused to acknowledge my apology to them.

This person left because I misspoke with the words "I don't have time to learn to code this stuff" when I was talking about not having YEARS to do so, when he knew but never pointed out that it would have only taken about a week at most... if I wasn't still in Grand Forks, British Columbia at that time and thus still taking flawed medications because I have to for my condition or it would have been even worse.

I was taken by this person as expecting someone else to do all the work for me by an individual who was trying to teach me something relatively simple, and even though I was on medication that sabotaged my very thoughts let alone my words, even under those mismanaged medications I could have learned it in only a month tops and if I'd known this I would have put in the effort without question.

One month would have kept me busy, but one year wasn't my idea of re-configuring something for fun, and at the time the other users were demanding I re-code existing NewGRFs myself... According to licenses (fair enough) and all other legal stuff... Oh, but calling the fork of their projects "recycled" because I was reusing GPL or Creative Commons graphics to make the grfs do something they hadn't already been able to do?

I get that even a month is not unreasonable for a challenging new coding project, even in NewGRFs with re-used graphics. I made the mistake of assuming it was years, and then said it would take too long without saying that "greater than 12 months is, at this stage of having done this for 30 months, too much longer to be worth it", only to have a worst case scenario occur...

I'm sorry my words on that Discord came out that way, and if I had known what it would lead to...

Unfortunately, this individual chose to immediately leave and never speak to me again, before I could apologize and say that I didn't mean to dismiss him and overestimated the timeframe he stated, to the point that - because I'd already SPENT years trying to learn to code things - I was unjustly unhappy with his kindness.

Driving this person away was not my intent, and this was the only person who left that Discord server or any other part of the OpenTTD community because of my behavior, however Erato incorrectly assumed at the time that another user by the name of "SilverSurferZzZ" left TT-Forums and the OpenTTD community solely because of my actions, and then Erato refused to explain this. He must have thought "I already knew" when in fact I really couldn't have because it never happened that supposed first time.

Furthermore, at the time the Discord program did not allow you to make friend requests to people who were not on the same server as you. So I tried to contact Erato, and when he wouldn't reply I tried to contact you.

Desperate to know who else I'd somehow driven away, I asked you, you told me something along the lines of "he isn't willing to discuss it further" and because I was asking to try and get unbanned from the Discord, I requested to at least know who else I supposedly bullied away.

Months after that, I asked Erato who I'd bullied out of the community before the unnameable individual, only to be told that my first supposed bullying was "towards SilverSurferZzZ who left exclusively because of you". I said that wasn't true, to the best of my knowledge, and double-checked SilverSurfer's last public posts to try and be sure, and Erato double-checked what he could and admitted I was most likely right.

I don't intend to go back to that Discord server ever. It's just part of this explanation of how tremendously the dice were loaded against me in 2017. Admittedly I've never taken that well, but I barely had any contact with SilverSurferZzZ and essentially got angry partly because of my medication being one of the many things that went wrong in 2017 and years following but, also, partly because... well... I got angry and that part is my fault; It's just that SilverSurferZzZ never left because of MY anger and I'M the on who got banned from the r/OpenTTD subreddit for it?



I'd been banned from the Discord server under 2/3 false assumptions, and 1/3 because I was literally artificially insane at the time because I was screwed over by my psychiatrist. I was still on those same medications because it takes over a year to even get a new family doctor after moving to a new province in Canada after the COVID-19 Pandemic, so I never even thought to point out that Erato and Dr. McGee (my former psychiatrist) had gotten me on YOUR bad side and permanently banned from TT-Forums by you when I tried (unsuccessfully) to reintegrate into the OpenTTD Discord.

Yeah, back in the original conversation we had after I got banned from the Discord, you then permanently banned me from TT-Forums because I wasn't being told the exact reason for my ban beyond vague words, and I knew on some level that it was probably a big misunderstanding. When I asked you to unban me in an email, you never responded, so I had no choice but to ban-dodge to apologize... but then you banned that account too despite me never intending it to be for anything except contacting you and never used it for any other purpose, and not creating a new account because I knew I wasn't going to convince you at that time or for a long time afterwards. I'm not saying I'm not at fault in any way, after all I didn't get kicked out of every writer's guild on Discord and the one in Grand Forks for no reason, but 90% of what happened in the OpenTTD community was due to Erato, you, and Dr. Dick McGee whose horrible reviews are in that link up there because I know you'll probably want to believe I'm making this up if I don't make every effort to prove all the above is true, and as I said, I can get notes from my psychologist AND my psychiatrist to make you absolutely sure I am not exaggerating or diminishing any of this intentionally.

===Who I am and why I really need you to give me a response, even if it's to say no.===
In case you haven't remembered my name, I'm Gadg8eer, and I'm begging you, please. I don't so much want instant forgiveness as to EARN back good standing in the community. I don't expect it to happen without contacting you via more than by email, but I just want my old account on TT-Forums back, and not to falsely gain a fresh start that perhaps I don't really have the right to after all the mistakes I made while drugged into insanity by Dr. McGee. If I can try to prove not just to you but to the whole community that they were wrong about me, that I'm telling the truth about wanting to do - and wish I had done - better than I did from 2017 to 2021 (and even until 2022), then I would have only myself to blame if I get banned THIS time.

I will be on my best behavior. If I have ANY issues with others, I will contact the moderators first and not respond at all to the thing I feel angry about. As for licenses, I'll follow them as I've always done with my modified NewGRFs, and never argue about or post anything on your forums that is clearly not meant to be there. I'm sorry for all the trouble that was caused, but you have to understand that not causing that trouble would have meant isolating myself from society ENTIRELY for 6 years. That's literally impossible, I was told during that time that I "shouldn't be on the internet" by a reddit user just for being annoying, and Grand Forks is both isolated from the surrounding world AND a place where Drugged-Up SimYouLater/Gadg8eer became hated by some and was already discriminated against by others.

I don't blame you for being angry at me for 3 years of bad behavior in 2020. It's been 2 years since then and I've kept my distance to make sure I have my affairs in order and to let you cool down about it, please at least grant me access to post under my "Gadg8eer" account back.

	~ Gadg8eer